The Gain of Loss

Bringing school into focus!

There have been two opposing views warring in my mind this past month.  "Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?"  Job 2:10 As Father lead me to this once again, I wanted to grumble, I think I actually groaned out loud.  It's one thing to contemplate good vs trouble, but why does He have to remind me of this when I'm walking through the dark valley.  The expanse of my emotions these last 5 weeks are the culprit for these ponderings.  Delynn's death, Glenn's and Mark's death (2 mighty men of God I knew only by acquaintance) and Carlos's sickness.

Carlos Sanchez, a "young and healthy" fellow missionary here in CR and father of one of our boys best friends, suffered a massive stroke 10 days ago. For the first 48 hours we waited, worshiped and warred in the heavenlies for his complete healing and restoration to life.  Being completely honest, I believed God could heal him but I'm not sure I trusted He would heal him.  He did!  We received word that Carlos was conscious, eating and trying to talk.  We took a few moments to cry for joy, praise God and celebrate this bright spot in our seemingly walk through bleak places.  A week later, he is recuperating at home, truly a miracle!

Today as I contemplated Job 2:10 Father simply asked ... "Why didn't you rejoice at the death of these 3 aforementioned saints?"  What! Well, if I must state the obvious, (as if He didn't already know) we are grieving the huge loss of their physical presence here on earth.  I felt the rising of a 2 year old tantrum, "No, you can't make me rejoice in these deaths, you can't make me accept this as good, it's not!"

"These three deaths are as precious to Me as the recovery miracle Carlos is experiencing.  And, as difficult as it is, all are cause for rejoicing." 

My grief may be to raw and real, to completely embrace this sentiment as my own, however ... there is a peace that settles deep in my soul and the hint of a smile canvases my tear stained face ... In His goodness, that hint of a smile sows a seed of hope.  He gently whispers, "When surrounded with loss, one needs to look for the gain."   I may not yet embrace the gain completely, however, hope reminds me that  "they've run the race, they've fought the good fight, they've reached their eternal reward, this is cause for rejoicing!  As the tears flow, a song rises in my soul  ... "Yes I will, lift You high in the lowest valley, Yes I will, bless Your name, Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy, All my days, oh yes I will."

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.  My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, thought I know not it's measure.  

Psalm 71:14-15

Can you just imagine the huge celebration going on beyond the pearly gates?  I mean seriously, the eruption of praise and awestruck wonder as they enter the sweetest Presence we can only at present imagine!  As this picture plays out in my minds eye, I can see Delynn making Lancaster Co. connections with both these mighty men, partying with Jesus and feasting on the heavenliest chicherones one has ever sunk their teeth into!

Mourning in hope ... I know that my Redeemer lives ... Looking for the gain

Life on the Mountain
Restrictions are lifting slightly, we can now be out after 5:00 pm! ... Life feels very routine, we have a lot of family time ... Finding time alone is a precious commodity ... Ministry via zoom calls is the new normal, missing the personal contact ... El Nido babies continue to be born, a sweet gift in this time of uncertainty ... Giving ourselves time to rest and heal and nourishing our soul with His healing presence ... Organizing the questions, finding some answers, daily running to Father for wisdom ... Seeking His goodness, looking for the gain.

Praises
Carlos is on the road to recovery
Healing for our family
Micah settling into routine as the school year starts in PA
Friends who understand our hearts and want to listen
Morning walks
Celebrating 19 years of marriage this week
Fernando and Alexandra, their friendship, lawyer advice and how they care for us.
God's provision of interim directors where we need them (Steve Shank, Delmys, Manu & Liz)
We are surrounded by His goodness

Prayers
A week of exams for Jedi and Adam
Peaceful sleep for all of us, specifically Joseph
God's next steps for VidaNet
Joseph and Jedidiah's relationship
Safe, healthy delivery for Liz
God to open Meli's womb
God's direction for the Association of VidaNet and how it affects our residency process
Open our eyes Father to see Your goodness and the gain in this season of loss

"Jedi and Jedi"
The force is strong in this one!

This guy is a game changer in my day! 

Quality time with Mom ...
"Sure I'll help make cheesy potatoes!"

Feliz Dia de la Madre in Costa Rica ...
Sunshine flowers from Declan!

Dad date 2020 Style

"Hi Micah, we miss you!
Can Declan sleep in your bed?"

Yes, I solved it ...
Yes, he patiently showed me how ...
No, I'm not as fast as he is!

Micah's first day of his Senior year!
Yes, he wore shoes!

the dentist ... 

Just our friendly neighborhood sloth hanging
around for a photo opportunity! 

Speaking of His Goodness

All my life YOU have been faithful!

There has been a lot of internal processing.  As it comes out, at times there is a slow seeping, processing contemplatively, the layers of grief with Father or each other, tears slowly rolling down our checks.  Other times it's a tumbling, roaring waterfall, overflowing the puffy rims of our eyes, with a force so great we are unable to determine what path it will take or it's end.  The waves of grief.

I've wanted to blog, share life with you all and share the encouragement of Father's healing balm as it covers over my aching heart.  I felt like I was waiting for Father to show me something inspiring, you know that "A-Ha" thing that makes writing easy.  Well, I'm still waiting.  This morning as I rested in the wee morning hours, I felt a song rising in my heart and Father simply said,

"Speak of My goodness"

But Father ... I'm weary and thread bare, I just want to sleep, not think, not process.  Changing my focus, (a.k.a. climbing out of the pit) is just to exhausting.  I know it will not take away the grief, nor the loss, that's a journey we have to walk.  So, why can't I just believe in the goodness of God instead of proclaiming it?  I felt like Father was asking me to read back through the "catch phrases" I used at the end of each blog as if I were listening to His tender whisper speaking life to my weary soul. And then this song ... I count on one thing, The same God that never fails, Will not fail me now! ...

It's about refocusing my focus ... I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13.  here goes ... phrases that capture His goodness.

Run to the Father. Trusting as I obey. Choose His perspective. Choosing to be grateful. Sweetest presence I know. Be still and know. Can you hear Him? He hears your voice. Childlike trust. Compelled by His love.  Aligning my crowns. Listening for His voice. Where is my attention? Soul set on solid ground. Echoing His words. In need of His grace!  Seeing through His eyes. We are more than them. Do you rest in this peace? I am living in the goodness of God!

"I do know that it won't be any picnic, for the Holy Spirit has let me know repeatedly and clearly that there are hard times and imprisonment ahead. But that matters little. What matters most to me is to finish what God started: the job the Master Jesus gave me of letting everyone I meet know all about this incredibly extravagant generosity of God." Acts 20:24 (msg)

Life on the Mountain
Micah flew to PA on Friday, where he'll complete his Senior year at Hinkletown MS, be duel enrolled in LBC jump start program and have an internship learning the trade of basic auto mechanics.  We are thrilled for this opportunity and so proud of him, but we miss him desperately!  We are still living with many restrictions, however we are trying to see them positively.   The pm curfew and not being allowed to drive on Saturday has given us more time as a family.  Educating at home has been challenging but has given me a better understanding of what they're learning.   Church with staff at Casa VidaNet has given us heart to heart connections, allowed for honest processing and a time to speak life to one another.  "Stay at Home" has given us the sweetest connections with our neighbors, we feel very loved by them.  Regrouping ministry wide has been a constant and daily, run to the Father.

Praises
Micah's safe, uneventful flight to the states. 
Feeling supported by VidaNet's board of directors. 
Friends to have sleepovers with.
Finances for VidaNet
Afternoon rain showers and coffee with friends
Sunny wash drying days
Each of you carrying us to Father through your prayers, love and words of encouragement
So much to be thankful for, speak them.

Prayers
Grieving the loss of: Delynn, Micah, Quarantine affecting ministry and life, Daryl's childhood home.
Gloria, Manuelito, Carmelinda & Vinny and their families.
Wisdom, grace and rest for staff and leadership.
Our health, common colds have come and gone, our bodies are weary.
I am currently experiencing a Lupus flare, thankful for medicine to help.
Finances for VidaNet.

Celebrating with Tortillas con queso y Natilla! ...
(Homemade tortillas with cheese and 'sour cream')

... and coffee of course! 

Extended birthday celebration ...
The gift of brownies, ice cream and peanut butter topping! 

Finding life with these dear friends ...
The coffee is always a little bit sweeter with them! 

The smile says it all! ...
  Yes it's big, no it's not his ...
Esteban, what have you started!?



And now ... Our week of goodbyes with Micah ... 

One more sleepover ... rather a 'stay-up-over' 

Youth group goodbye ...
Absolutely love they hearts and passion! 

Celebrating Micah's 1/2 birthday ...
He's officially 17 1/2 : ) 

One last ride for Declan ...

We made time for Mom's Fall Photo shoot ... 

Just hanging around waiting for mom to decide
where to take the pictures! 

Lunch date with Dad, Mom and tears ...

Well see how this year measures up! 

"After" hair cut ... of course Mama didn't want to cut the curls!
It'll grow again, Mom! 

And just like that ... he's out from under our roof!
The goodness of God is running after him!
Rest in God's favor, Victorious Leader!

But as for God,
His way is perfect, His word is flawless,
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him!
Psalm 18:30